Directing: C+
Acting: B
Writing: C+
Cinematography: B
Editing: B-

Tom Brady can’t act very well. Oh sure, he can deliver a serviceable speech, which he does a couple of times in 80 for Brady, a movie that feels like by-the-numbers pandering to old ladies and middle-aged gay men. It almost feels ironic that it’s a movie about fervent football fans, but, I suppose it’s also regressive even to say that: there are plenty of gay sports fans. And lots of old lady football fans. Either way, evidently Brady, as the real-life title character, is happy to be an object of adulation for everyone. Way to diversify!

There is a tender moment between Lily Tomlin and Tom Brady at the end of the film, a series of lines in a Super Bowl locker room meant to be full of heart. Tomlin is fine. The old ladies this movie was made for will think the same of Brady and his performance. I was a little embarrassed for him. Because I am that bitch, I guess.

To call 80 for Brady “hokey as shit” would be a grand understatement. I’m now interested in reading about the five senior women whose story this film was “inspired by.” All you have to do is watch the film and know that virtually none of it actually comes from real life. In the film, the four (rather than five) friends manage to sneak into the Super Bowl without tickets; wind up invited into a skybox; and Tomlin’s character Lou even manages to get on a headset and talk directly to Tom Brady during the game. The entire film is utterly preposterous, in an admittedly harmless-fun kind of way.

I’m not above saying I had a fairly good time watching it. I got a few good laughs out of it. It should be noted that I fall squarely in this movie’s target demographic. It features four iconic screen legends (the other three being Jane Fonda, Rita Moreno and Sally Field) and Billy Porter as the Halftime Show choreographer. I also happen to be a standup comedy fan, and a bunch of comics show up in bit parts, from Patton Oswalt to Jimmy O. Yang to Ron Funches. This movie even has Harry Hamlin is Jane Fonda’s love interest; Bob Balaban as Sally Field’s over-dependent husband; and Sara Gilbert as Lily Tomlin’s daughter.

Oddly enough, 80 for Brady goes out of its way to note that only two of the women are actually in their eighties. Rita Moreno indirectly notes that she is in her nineties, and Sally Field’s Betty specifically clarifies that she is 75. They all have 80 FOR BRADY jerseys custom made, and on Betty’s, she has red lettering crossing out the 80 and writing “70” above it. I guess I can respect the acknowledgment of each of these actors’ actual ages, retrofitted into the title that actually comes from the real women who inspired it (although their T-shirts read Over 80 for Brady).

I am particularly amused by the fact that the one time the word “fuck” is used in this movie, it’s Tom Brady himself who says it. If any demure old ladies are flocking to this movie, it’ll be cute Tom Brady who is the one who is the most vulgar. That kind of cracks me up.

I didn’t personally come to this movie for Tom Brady, of course. I couldn’t give half a shit about that man, his evident handsomeness notwithstanding. I can find plenty more handsome men to look at, by opening a web browser or just walking outside. I came for the icons: Tomlin, Fonda, Moreno, Field. They are fun to watch together. I had a pleasant time hanging out with them. The movie overall is fundamentally dumb, but that doesn’t always preclude a fun hang.

*Ninety for Brady? Eighty for Brady? Seventy for Brady? Obviously we have to go with the one that rhymes.*

Overall: B-