Fri, 5:45: I can do half those things, will that count for anything?? RT @Oregonian Oregon Zoo otter, known for slam dunking and self-pleasuring, dies at age 20 bit.ly/2EAyrJu
Fri, 7:41: You guys I’m so full of the Christmas spirit today I could shit baubles! 🍑💨🎄 https://t.co/KA3kKKI5ff
Fri, 11:39: PROTIP: If you're wearing white pants, your socks will still work as napkins in a pinch!