Mon, 5:53: May I suggest a campaign ad tag line: "I'm Howard Schultz, and I approve of this reckless dipshittery." RT @HowardSchultz I love our country, and I am seriously considering running for president as a centrist independent.
Mon, 7:54: There are few things I take issue with when it comes to the “natural” and organic foods industry — which I work for! — but cherry picking which broadly accepted scientific consensus they accept (global warming is real) and which they reject (GMOs are safe for consumption) is one. https://t.co/Qwi1lGzXBq
Mon, 11:31: You’ll be happy to know that follow-up feedback informs us whatever the hell all of this means can be taken care of by adding dill weed. https://t.co/0nDq6apTlH
Mon, 12:21: “Stay calm. You’re going to grow up WAY better looking than you expect.” RT @Twitter One thing you'd Tweet your teenage self
Mon, 19:08: This is the kind of night that calls for a whiskey with a NyQuil chaser.