sugar season
I'd sure like to lose about 15 lbs and my game plan so far has been to eat pretty much everything in sight. This morning before lunch today, in addition to my requisite cereal for breakfast, I've had two mini dark chocolate peanut butter cups; a blueberry "flat round" with cream cheese; one dark chocolate truffle; another chocolate from a sample box of chocolates; and two mini salted caramel brownies. I probably could have stood to remove a few of those from my grazing rounds.
I was astonished when I weighed myself yesterday morning, and my weight was down since Saturday morning, the last time I had been able to weigh myself before leaving for Idaho. Yesterday I shot up two pounds. I need to get my shit together. I keep telling myself that and then not doing it. It is of course particularly difficult during the holidays, but that's also an easy crutch this time of year. "It's not my fault! There are just all these treats everywhere!"
Also these days I consistently find really young gay guys who are inexplicably into me. Is it a "dad bod" thing? Have I developed a "dad bod"? I would argue, not quite; even at 157 lbs and a height of 5'8" I'm still pretty thin. I just have a very soft belly, as I really always have—it just protruded less when I was 20 lbs lighter, like, almost a decade ago now. I also think a lot about my doctor telling me that without any changes to diet or exercise, you naturally gain about a pound per year you grow older. That accounts for 9 lbs I've regained just since losing all that weight in 2010. Also, I continue to be way too obsessed about this shit, and stupidly so. Who cares?
Well, two things. First, I want all my clothes to keep fitting, and I do have some shirts that now fit slightly uncomfortably snug. I don't want to wind up having to donate a bunch of clothing. Second, and I actually believe this: some people carry extra weight better than others. I'm still nearly 20 lbs lighter than the peak weight of 174 lbs I reached in the mid-2000s, and I am not one of those people who still look good when they gain a lot of weight. I do still look pretty great right now, which I ascribe largely to the regular exercises I do now that I was never doing in the 2000s. But, that will make little difference if I pack on another 20 lbs. And call me vain all you want (because it is objectively true), I want to continue looking great!
Sugar is an insidious substance and that's all there is to it.
Not a lot in the way of specifics for today's update otherwise. Yesterday I walked home, and stayed home for the evening since Shobhit was not working. I really do make an effort to keep my scheduled evening activities on days he's working. That will be more of a challenge next week, when I have had no fewer than five live shows and movies scheduled. In the end I'll probably only go to one of the live shows (for free, as part of a work outing, unfortunately on an evening Shobhit is not working) and two movies. Star Wars with Gabriel on Thursday in Kent (I still need to figure out how I'll be getting there and back); and on Friday Laney and I will be drinking while hate-watching Cats. And all of this isn't even to mention some other Merchandising Department "fun activity" Justine has planned for Tuesday afternoon, and then Nancy T's retirement party at work Friday afternoon, right before I meet Laney for the movie. All that shit is more than enough for me to scrap both Doug Loves Movies live at the Neptune Monday night (although I sure do want to go to that) and the Dina Martina Christmas show Wednesday, which Evan backed out of for the first time ever because she doesn't like the shift to ACT Theater as a new venue. I haven't missed that show in something like five years, though, and I keep thinking about trying to convince Gabriel and Lea to go. That would mean the possibility of another date, though, and convincing them is an iffy prospect at best anyway.
Anyway. Last night I walked home, and before Shobhit got home from work I watched the Tiffany Haddish comedy special on Netflix, which was all right. Shobhit got home about five minutes before I finished it. We had a bit of dinner, and we watched an episode of Elite on Netflix and then a couple episodes of season 10 of Cheers. Shobhit kept falling asleep and so he actually went to bed an hour before I did, which is very rare. So, I then watched the Michelle Wolf comedy special on Netflix and that one was hilarious. She talks about how often people call her "vulgar," and she is indeed vulgar—in all the very best ways. Then I finally went to bed myself.
[posted 12:17 pm]