twenty years
Today is the twentieth anniversary of when Danielle moved from Spokane to Seattle, and she moved in with me, sharing my studio apartment in Belltown for the next four months. As it happens, in all this time, those four months were the only four she has ever lived in Seattle proper. She has since lived in Renton, Kirkland (she was fond of sounding it out like "Kirk Land"), Bothell (she always called it "Bot Hell"), and then Renton again, where she still lives and has lived in the house she and Patrick bought together in 2005. In fact it only occurred to me just now that she has lived 75% of her time in Western Washington in that house in Renton, and maybe even 80% or so in Renton cumulatively.
It's kind of funny, that—the Renton thing. I worked for the Seattle Gay News in 2000 when she moved in with me, and I used to tell Mike B at work about all the conflicts Danielle and I were having. Getting the bias of only my side of the story, Mike of course took my side at all times, and I'll never forget when I told him Danielle was finally moving out and she had found a place in Renton: he laughed and said, "Serves her right!" Jokes on him—and me, I suppose—though: Danielle really loves Renton.
I have now known Danielle quite a bit longer as a friend in Greater Seattle than I ever did before she moved, which is also funny, because in 2000, it already felt like we'd known each other for a lifetime. We met when we were 11 years old, so even by 2000, we had known each other 13 years. Granted, there was the three-year period I used to call "the hiatus," between 1993 and 1996, which kind of rubbed her the wrong way when I called it that. We fell out of touch, and in that period of time I really came to expect I would just never know her again. It was a relief and a delight when she reached out and we reconnected in 1996. I would come out all of five months or so after that happened.
That three-year period hardly matters anymore. We were both literally teenagers then, although it did extend into legal adulthood: ages 16 through 19. In fact, the four months we lived together in 2000 arguably had a far greater impact on our lasting friendship than the three-year "hiatus" from 1993 to 1996 had. In 2000, at first it nearly ruined our friendship, our mutual resentments had built up so severely, but we reconciled and she remains one of my two best and closest friends—and certainly the oldest (as in, longest). As with Gabriel, I have long considered her not just a friend, but family. I like to put it that way because it recontextualizes the permanence: we are never getting rid of each other.
Years ago now, I wrote a series of "All About" posts on LiveJournal about all the most important people in my life. I posted "All About Danielle" on Danielle's 27th birthday, August 16, 2003, and if you're that interested in the details of the early years, you can just click on over there. In short, though, our mothers met as middle-aged women having gone back to college, as classmates, and the subsequent history of drama between our two families is a narrative for another time and place (much of it in that older post, shared 17 years ago). That is how Danielle and I met, as preteens. We forged a renewed friendship in a far more independent way in 1996, several years after our mothers had a falling out in the wake of Danielle's parents' divorce, and this time Danielle and I re-entered each other's lives on our own terms. We haven't been out of each other's lives since, and in the past 24 years I don't think we've ever gone more than maybe two or three months without seeing each other or at least talking.
When I moved straight to Seattle from graduating college in Pullman, in June 1998, I still did not have a driver's license (I would not get one until mid-2000). Danielle rented a U-Haul in Spokane for me, drove it to Pullman, and drove me, my cat, and my stuff across the state to Seattle for me. I was ending two years living with both Gabriel and Suzy, and three years living with Gabriel, and I'll never forget in the wake of those two saying their good-byes before leaving for school and work, Danielle could see that I was sad and she gave me a sudden hug. I said, "What are you doing!" because I knew the gesture would make me start crying, and it cracked her up.
And all of this is to say, I would literally not be where I am today without Danielle. Like, "literally" and "where" in the true senses of both words: right here, in Seattle. Danielle actually moved me.
She remained in Spokane for the next two years, during which time she got progressively tired of her life and a lot of the toxic people she knew there, and I spent a lot of time trying to convince her to follow me to Seattle. It was little more than a year and a half after my own move—20 months, to be exact, so I guess that's also four months shy of two years—when she finally took the chance and did it. And I cut her a deal, which I believe was a big part of convincing her: she could live with me for three months rent-free until she found a job, after which I would ask her to pay half the rent each month until she found her own place. It was that fourth month when things got really messy, and again you can refer to that older post if you really want to get into the weeds about it. At the time I shared that "All About Danielle" post in 2003, I already regarded that period as ancient history, and at that time it was only three years since she moved over! Now it's really ancient history. Fucking twenty years ago! It means nothing. If I were still holding a grudge about any of it, I would be rightfully categorized as a fucking nutcase. Also it would be amazing because I can't remember shit unless I write it down, and half the time not even then.
It goes without saying that a hell of a lot has happened in both our lives in the past twenty years. It would be astonishing and a miracle if that were not the case, as that's just what time does to people. Danielle moved five times in as many years and then stayed in one house for the next fifteen. She met Patrick in 2002, married him in 2005—which I officiated!—and divorced him a year or two ago, I forget exactly when as it was after a protracted separation process for a few years. I, on the other hand, met Shobhit in 2004 (and lost my virginity to him that same year), officially got engaged to him in 2005, got for-real married to him in 2013, and am still with him—and, thankfully, he and Danielle get along exceptionally well. He came to the hospital after I had videotaped Morgan's birth in 2004, barely more than a month after we first met, and he brought the baby a little present, which certainly made a good first impression on Danielle.
There are so many details of Danielle's and my friendship now that come after 2003, when I shared that "All About Danielle" post. Both of our relationships and marriages, all of which (aside from Danielle's first meeting Patrick) happening later. The births of both Danielle and Patrick's children, in 2004 and 2008. Several more of Danielle's and my trips together: Portland in 2013; Toronto, Niagara Falls and Syracuse in spring 2019 and Las Vegas in fall 2019. Annual Birth Week activities tegether, dating back to, as it happens, 2003. More interpersonal conflicts and inevitable subsequent resolutions, from 2003 to just this past year. This is just what happens with family, right?
I might not have even registered that today is the 20th anniversary of Danielle's move to Seattle, except that we have dinner plans tonight to commemorate it—which was her idea. She called me up weeks ago to suggest it, and I suggested Palace Kitchen, because it's the only currently-operating restaurant located near that apartment we shared that I know was open all the way back then. It's a block away. I've only been there a couple of times. Still, that was what gave me the idea for the photos included in today's Daily Lunch Update: that shot at the top? Taken on Valentine's Day, 2000—all of one week after Danielle's move. Clearly we were in a car, but whose, I have no idea. It's the closest photo I could find of the two of us together, to February 7, 2000. The middle shot is the only photo taken of us both together in 2010, for my Birth Week. And the photo below is from when we hung out last December in lieu of our usual Christmas Eve visit. As each photo was taken before our birthdays in those years (albeit barely in my case in 2010), in these photos we are both 23, 33, and 43.
And now for a brief aside to update you on my evening last night: I walked downtown and then caught a #49 bus to Broadway, where I walked a block over to Pine to pick up the finished orders at Frame Central. Both look fantastic. I walked them home under my umbrella those last seven blocks, did my after-work push-ups, fed the cats, and soon thereafter caught the #11 back downtown, transferred immediately to a Rapid Ride D bus, and then met Shobhit at Total Wine & More, where we attended their chocolate and wine tasting event.
I have to say, I was spectacularly good at work all day yesterday, with the expectation that I'd be eating a bunch of chocolate and drinking wine later. That is, until some random woman I didn't even know went around the office profferring a basket full of truly delicious looking cookies for people. I should not have taken one, but I did: a nice and soft, m&m's cookie. And holy fuck was it delicious. It was worth it!
Total Wine always has snacks and food at these events, thereby doubling as a free dinner. It was almost too bad we're vegetarians: for the first time they had fried chicken as one of the dishes. Shobhit and I still had three different types of salads to choose from, and the usual breads, crackers and cheeses. The plates are small so that helped me keep the portions down; Shobhit went for more a couple of times, and I only did for some of one of the green salads I had no room for on my first plate.
I probably drank the equivalent of only one full glass of wine after all the tastings. Still, I had one Godiva "G Cube" with each pour for pairing with a wine. That accumulated to eight of those little cubes of chocolate, which were truly delicious—especially the hazelnut flavor. Apparently five of those is 200 calories, though, so it wasn't quite as bad as I feared, actually. And guess what? To my pleasant surprise, my weight this morning was exactly the same as it was yesterday. Once again I'm calling that a win!
I guess it was a healthy meal after all.
[posted 12:19 pm]