pivot
The block of Blanchard between Third and Fourth seems to be proving to be . . . not the greatest spot.
A couple of weeks ago I was stopped on my bike at a red light at Fourth and Blanchard, where, on the southeast corner, a few tents have been set up housing homeless people. I guy walking past them on the sidewalk, toward me, had the apparently random idea to grab a shopping cart that was there, maybe in his way on the sidewalk (?), and just shove it so it rolled right into one of the tents, hitting the homeless man who was inside. The guy inside yelled, "What the fuck!" and came out, shirtless, looking around. By this time the perpetrator had gotten across the street and was standing kind of near where I was on my bike, and he turned around and stared back, almost as though to challenge him. The homeless guy had no means of knowing whether this was the guy who shoved the shopping cart into him, but I sure did.
Then, as I was riding my bike home from work yesterday, I was stopped on my bike at a red light on Blanchard at Third, one block west of the aforementioned incident. These two guys were crossing the Third Avenue crosswalk in front of me. One of these guys was also shirtless, kind of bordering on attractive; almost scrawny though. Anyway, the shirtless guy walked right up to me on my bike, and just took several seconds to click my gears, both in turn, until they were shifted to their extremes, before walking on. I just looked at what he was doing wordlessly; for a second I didn't even realize what was happening. Once I did realize, I didn't even feel any surprise or shock per se; in my brain it was more neutral, like, Okay, this is happening. The heavier guy walking along with him was several steps ahead and thought it was very funny.
I guess I'll mention now that in both of these incidents, the perpetrator was a Black man. (The two friends yesterday were both Black as well.) There's no denying that this adds new layers of historical context. I immediately found myself thinking about how if I were someone else, someone a lot more prone to confrontation or escalation, this could have become a highly triggering moment that could have turned violent. And then I immediately thought: let's say hypothetically that I were the type who might haul off and punch this guy in the face. Most people around would only see some white guy beating on a Black man. Not good.
Probably the more important point is that, in contrast to the guy who shoved a cart into a homeless man's tent, the guy yesterday didn't hurt me. He didn't even touch me; he touched my bike. It was a truly brazen, dick move, but whatever. I just clicked my gears back into their proper place and was on my way. I even kind of thought to myself, Call it generational racial karma, but even contextualizing it that way is ridiculous. It's not like that one dick move, which was minuscule in the grand scheme of things, comes even close to comparing the way my ancestors no doubt treated his ancestors—or for that matter, the kind of ignorance and cumulative microaggressions I have no doubt perpetrated personally in my own life.
Also: historic context and nuance still have nothing to do with the randomness of these guys having both been Black. They could just as easily have both been white, and had they been, I would not have thought at all about their race. Their both having been Black means absolutely nothing, has no bearing on anything whatsoever. (Frankly, I'd be far more inclined to believe that their being men means something: it's not like women never make dick moves with strangers, but this kind of behavior is objectively far more common among men than women. The same can absolutely not be said regarding Black versus white.) The trouble is, in a white supremacist society, a huge swatch of white people would have these successive experiences and use it as "evidence" to make conclusions about Black men.
And all it was, was just . . . a weird moment.
Ivan finally came back around to suggesting we watch The Leftovers again last night. We still had 15 minutes left of the episode he had walked out of last weekend, and then we watched the episode after that. When that one ended, even Shobhit was like, "Next!" But, I asked Ivan if he wanted to continue and he said no, which really did not surprise me. I guess he likes the show (although he still spends about three quarters of his time looking at his stupid phone), but it seems to be one with which he can only do about one episode at a time. So, then Shobhit went back to his news programs, and both Ivan and I went to our respective rooms.
Ivan actually went to bed, I think, and slept for a while, far earlier than usual. He commented on how tired he was, as he'd had a shift that started at 6 a.m., but I think it was also strategic: he's back to graveyard shift tonight. He had his light on again a couple of hours later, shortly after which I was asleep myself, but I'm guessing he then tried to stay up as late as possible, to then sleep as late as possible today so he could be away for his shift tonight. He does this sort of thing fairly regularly, as he has to jump back and forth between regular and graveyard shifts, and I truly don't know how the fuck he does it. I would go insane.
I was supposed to attend this all-day "Leading for Racial Equity Training" today at work, from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. I didn't bring my lunch because lunch was supposed to be provided. But, the instructor had "an urgent family situation" and was not able to make it, so now I'll have to re-sign up for an alternate date.
I do want to do this, although the "work" on racial justice PCC is doing feels increasingly inadequate to me. I don't feel like PCC is doing enough to hold itself accountable, not as individuals but as a collective entity. I was told not long ago by a Black employee that they had suggested we consider supporting Black Lives Matter, since we were openly supporting Pride (and had been for ages), and the idea was "shot down," until the company did an about-face this past year when it became, basically, trendy to do so. I mean, trendy or not, the right thing to do is the right thing to do, but is what we're doing enough? People look to PCC as this bastion of progressivism, and yet when it comes to race issues, we have not once made a truly bold choice or been the first to make a move; we're taking our cues from others when we really should be leading. Also I find it illuminating and disheartening how many people of color get hired at the office and do not last very long. We are literally a whiter staff now than we were a year ago, and I don't think that has just been random coincidence.
We do have some public information regarding our staff demographics, and I do think it's not nothing that our overall staff is 64.2% white as opposed to Seattle's 67.3% (or King County's 66.2%), although it's not a whole lot either. And inversely, it's not great that Seattle is 7.3% Black—King County is 7.0%—and our Black staff is barely more than half that, at 4%. I suspect the rampant ignorance among liberals and leftists who think they can't possibly be racist is not entirely unrelated here.
Granted, to be fair, 4% and 7% are both pretty low percentages. I sure wish I could see "staff diversity metrics" specific to the office, however. I would bet anything the office is whiter than the full office + store staff. A year ago, I could think of at least four Black office staff members off the top of my head, which out of 115 total is a whopping 3.5%. Two have since moved on and a third will have moved to another job, after more than ten years here, by next week. That will leave only one Black office staffer that I know of, which is . . . 0.8%. (There is at least one other staffer I know with one Black parent, which puts them under the "Two or More Races (not Hispanic or Latinx)" category, but, I think what I am illustrating still stands here.) The point is, not a lot of Black staff at the office stay for very long, and I have a hard time believing that one is just random coincidence.
I did just notice this: I suppose broadly speaking the "Management" demographics could be applied to office staff, even though it does include leadership staff at all stores. It also, however, includes "office staff who have direct reports," and that includes a huge number of us (though it does not include me). And what percent of Management is Black? 1.0%. That's fucking pathetic.
Oh and just one side note about that "Staff Diversity Metrics" page: 2% identified as non-binary gender! That's one out of every 50. I go back and forth as to whether to identify myself thus; occasionally I do click that when answering demographics questions in a survey. My feelings about it are as fluid as gender itself, I think; I feel one way one day and another on another day. Today, I kind of feel like "gender nonconforming" is more accurate for me. On the other hand, I have long been saying I'm "mostly male," clearly insinuating I am "part female," and I've been saying that since decades before terms like "non-binary" were even part of the lexicon.
Anyway! I really digressed there. I still really want to do this Leading for Racial Equity Training, but it's just as well that it now has to be another day instead of today. I have a ton of new items to enter this week, plus Price Optimization for October ads to do tomorrow, and I had worried about having almost an entire day less in which to get it done than I would under normal circumstances. This shift in plans will do a lot for my work load this week.
Also, Tracy and I are going to a sneak preview showing of The Suicide Squad this evening at 7, and agreed to meet at Pacific Place for dinner at 6. I told her I would ride my bike home from work and then meet her there, and only later realized I would not be able to leave work at 4:30 as usual and would have to wait until 5, which would get me home at 5:30, at which point I'd have to leave to come back downtown about 5 minutes after getting home. Not anymore! Now I can leave at 4:30 as usual, and have at least half an hour at home tonight before I leave again.
Either way I think I'll have to call Dad from work this afternoon to wish him a happy birthday, as I won't have any other time today to call him. He turns 66 today.
[posted 12:50 pm]