— पञ्चसहस्राणि चतुःशतानि नवशीतिः —
Getting to know a a person with any kind of new presence in my life, even a little bit, can be tricky. I'm just not the type to be especially outgoing with people I don't already know. This can become problematic, as time can then go by, and without any change even though we're still moving in the same circles or common spaces, it starts to feel like I'm deliberately ignoring or avoiding them even though I'm not.
This happened with Kwanteria, until we connected at a group JEDI workship event at the office in 2021. We became friends; she moved back to Texas last year; we scheduled regular movie "Watch Parties" on Prime Video. Then she asked to borrow $1,600, I made the decision to trust her but also set the boundary not to ask for more money again before it got paid back, which she later then did. We've fallen out of communication and I have just written off that money and moved on. That's a whole other story, but none of it changes the fact that it was good we connected at that event, after we had wound up passing each other in the halls at work and avoiding eye contact, for no other reason than my inability to take any social initiative.
We have a new receptionist now, a young man named Bryan. He seems very capable, and also appears to be taking the reigns on office holiday party planning and running with it—something I'm sure Mel, the Office Manager, is deeply grateful for, as in the wake of Kwanteria's departure it was making Mel very anxious. I'm really grateful for it too, as office holiday traditions have always meant a lot to me.
Anyway, Bryan has never been unfriendly. There have been different periods when he's making more or less of an effort to smile and say hi when he sees me, something I never do first. Somewhat more recently, I have been in group conversations he was around and it felt a little like, just as happened with Kwanteria, he was deliberately not looking at me. Did my lack of engagement over time make him just give up? Does he think I'm an asshole? Am I projecting and totally off base?
Well, circumstances last night sort of forced my hand—in a good way. I took myself to a movie in the U District, and since it was at 5:30, this made it easy to walk the 20 minutes south first, to the Westlake Light Rail Station. Evidently Ryan had been on the same train, which I did not clock until I got off the train and went to wait for the elevator at the platform (some of our Light Rail Stations are so deep underground, it's just easier—and far faster—to get on the elevator). It took me a moment to realize it was him, standing in front of me by the elevator, with his bike and under a bike helmet.
I could not possibly ride all the way up the elevator with him and not say anything. Surely he'd notice me, and if I totally ignored him there then I'd
really come across like a stuck-up fuckwad. At this point, he seemed somewhat lost in thought and I don't think he realized I was standing there. So, since I had indeed just realized myself that it was him, I said, "Ryan?"
Then he noticed me, said hi. I asked if he lived in the U District (yes), and he asked me the same (no, just going to a movie, as I do frequently). When we got off the elevator, he said, "Well, bye" before riding away.
Nothing momentous, obviously. But that was only the second time he and I had ever said more than two sentences to each other. One other time, when I was washing out my tea tumbler in the kitchen, he asked if I had any fun plans for the weekend, and I actually did: that was when Peter gave me the tickets to the Hard Cider Festival. I told him about that. I realized later that I should have asked the same of him, but it didn't even occur to me. I am the epitome of self-involvement.
Well, let the record show that last night, I actually took some initiative. It was minor to say the least, but still a first, at least with him. We've turned a corner!
— पञ्चसहस्राणि चतुःशतानि नवशीतिः —
— पञ्चसहस्राणि चतुःशतानि नवशीतिः —
The "movie" I went to see was actually a pair of Pedro Almodóvar shorts,
Strange Way of Life and
The Human Voice. Combined they only amounted to a 61-minute runtime.
I love Almodóvar films, though, and there were no better options playing that I had not already seen. Still, this was a new experience: reviewing film shorts that were not (yet?) Oscar-nominated. The only time I have reviewed short films in the past was when they were one among five that were nominated for Academy Awards, depending on the genre: live action, animated, documentary. These two were live action, and they both featured legit stars: Ethan Hawke and Pedro Pascal as ex-lovers in
Strange Way of Life, and Tilda Swinton in
The Human Voice.
And: it was all right. It gave me something to do. It gave me a movie-going experience for this week. Solid B.
I took Light Rail back to Capitol Hill, walked home, wrote the review. I waited for Shobhit to get home from work and once again we watched
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. Now we're caught up again.
— पञ्चसहस्राणि चतुःशतानि नवशीतिः —
We had a fire drill at work this morning. As per usual protocol, we were even sent an email a couple of days ago with a warning of the specific day and time it would happen. Naturally I promptly forgot all about it, so I was caught off guard. At least I wasn't in the middle of anything imminently important. (I was writing a draft of this blog post.)
Everyone on my end of the building filtered toward the nearest stairwell—our office is on the fifth floor. Tracy, Fresh Director, was holding the door open for everyone. For some reason—maybe because we'd had a chat about cycle commuting this morning; I opted to cycle today when I saw the forecast was good, even though it was both dark
and foggy when I rode in this morning, the light on my helmet out of battery, which made me a little nervous—he decided to single me out. As I walked up he said, "Matthew. Your safety is our concern!" He said it half-jokingly, like he was reciting it. I chuckled and said, "I appreciate that."
We all gathered in the courtyard outside Gourmondo's about a block to the north, as we always do. I was a little taken aback by how many people I didn't recognize. I know there's been a lot of turnover and many people work from home, but still: what the hell? Then Sara told me there had been a meeting of all the store Deli Managers happening. So that would be sixteen people I don't know at all and would never be expected to. Whew! I'm not going crazy.
— पञ्चसहस्राणि चतुःशतानि नवशीतिः —
[posted 12:33 pm]
