Barbara Visit / Easter Weekend 2024: Additional Details

04012024-12

— पञ्चसहस्राणि पञ्चशतानि त्रयोनवति च —

I came back to work today with 187 unanswered emails since I was last year, on Tuesday last week. To tell you the truth, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I still have about half of them to sift through as I write this, but am feeling pretty good about my time management so far. I felt good about it last Tuesday too, with an unusual ease of getting all my ducks in a row before being on PTO for four weekdays.

In the meantime, I kind of would have liked to post regular updates each day of Barbara's visit, from Wednesday last week through yesterday, but as usual there just really wasn't time for that—anything I worked on as the days went along had to be limited to my email photo digest / travelogue, which I sent out last night, and posted a version of to this blog as well (identical to the email, just with a few added video clips embedded). That provides a very broad overview of Barbara's entire visit, including Easter in Olympia, with plenty of details in captions under the photos and videos.

I will say this: having yesterday be a fairly low key day for Barbara's last day here really worked out well for me. Our only outing was Happy Hour with Laney at 4:00, and before that, at Barbara's request, we went to Pride Place so she could see Laney's apartment.

I was honestly somewhat surprised Laney was open to this, as I had already texted Laney about Barbara having shared with me that, while she is not in any way anti-vaxx, she would not at all be considered up to date: she's never gotten a single booster. Back in the days of the initial vaccinations, she got the one that was only one shot (I realize now this means she got the Johnson & Johnson vaccine). And when she got that, it made her very ill, laying her out for a full day. That experience has dissuaded her from getting any more covid vaccines thereafter, thus she's not gotten any booster shots.

She also told me she's "pretty sure" she's had covid, as it has gone through her building back in Louisville a couple of times, and one of them, she got really sick. She did not test at the time though. In any case, there is no definitive confirmation of her having gotten it. She started talking about how she has "a really good immune system," which made me bristle a bit because so many people who had refused to get any vaccine at all used that as a completely misguided excuse; having a strong immune system offers no reliable protection against covid whatsoever, especially without vaccination. Barbara did get that first shot, at least.

In any case, this kind of information definitely made Laney more inclined to find a place with outdoor seating for Happy Hour. At first, we were all going to meet at A Pizza Part on Thursday last week, but Laney changed her mind on the location. Lany also tripped and sprained her ankle early last week, and she was still far less mobile on Thursday; that day was really wet and rainy and the weather was far better Friday through yesterday anyway, so we rescheduled for Happy Hour on Monday. So on Thursday, Barbara and I went to a movie, and then on Friday we did our picnic lunch at Green Lake with Danielle and then I took Barbara on the Seattle Great Wheel Friday evening. I'll get back to that momentarily.

Anyway, after all that, when Laney texted me that Barbara wanted to see her apartment and suggested we meet at her place about half an hour before we were to go to Saint John's Bar & Eatery, I was somewhat surprised. I guess Laney kind of made an exception. In the past, Laney has asked me to take a covid test before coming over. She did not ask Barbara to, nor did she ask me to this time around.

Side note on covid testing: I did take a test myself on Saturday morning—the second one I've taken during the course of this most recent cold, the worst I've had since before the pandemic. After having given Dad and Sherri covid over Easter (and Sherri's 70th birthday) in 2022, I have religiously tested before coming to any family gathering ever since. That will likely die down soon, but I mostly did it again on Saturday for peace of mind given I was still having slight symptoms from my cold.

I could have asked Barbara to test to, but I didn't bother. I'm not inclined to think it was especially important, and I would bet a large amount of money I was the single person to test before attending the Easter family gathering. I suppose there's a slight chance Dad and Sherri did, but even that I doubt; Dad did on Christmas Eve last year and even he only did after I had mentioned that I had tested before coming over then.

On the subject of covid risks and their steadily declining relevance (not to discount that they very much still exist): I do continue putting on a mask on any mode of mass transit, or inside any store. Shobhit stopped this ages ago, so Barbara actually asked me last week why I wore a mask in all stores. "For protection," I said. Sometimes your mind blanks on what's a better response to a question. I realized later it would have been better to say, "To mitigate risk." That's far nore accurate, because nothing is fully protective and never has been. But! Layers of mitigation! That's always been the key.

That said, when Laney and Barbara and I were hanging out for a few minutes in Laney's studio apartment yesterday, Barbara shared that she hasn't worn a mask anywhere for a really long time. She said she might if she were to visit a hospital, but that was about it. And I do have to confess something myself, regarding masks: now that I've had three colds in the past 13 months, it feels like I am getting colds just as often as I did pre-pandemic whether I have a mask on or not. It's making me start to wonder what the point is.

If I have a cold myself, it certainly protects others from me. This was one of the major talking points from the beginning, actually. I am far more protected from others if they have masks on than if I have one on, although there is some research that wearing one yourself offers at least a degree of protection for you. So, it can't hurt to keep wearing them on transit, for instance. I am increasingly less inclined, however, to think it makes any real difference if I wear one in a store that I'm only inside for a few minutes.

— पञ्चसहस्राणि पञ्चशतानि त्रयोनवति च —

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— पञ्चसहस्राणि पञ्चशतानि त्रयोनवति च —

Anyway. There's a few more details about Barbara's visit that I can share now, which I didn't bother to put in the photo digest / travelogue email.

For instance: the Seattle Great Wheel. Barbara didn't especially enjoy it. I think she just went along with it because she knew I loved it and wanted to take her on it. In retrospect, though, had she just told me she was too afraid of heights I would have quite easily pivoted to something else; it wasn't that important to go on it.

Shobhit and I were driving by the Seattle Great Wheel on Saturday, February 24, when I snapped a picture of it, texted it to her and asked, Are you going to let me take you on the Seattle Great Wheel?

And she replied, Okay, but we can't eat until afterwards, followed by a smiling-cat emoji.

I suppose it could be argued there are some nuances and slight subtexts to that exchange, but she could still have just said "I'd rather not" or something like that. And to be honest, even though Barbara said she was just as terrified up there as Laney had been when she and Shobhit and I went on it in 2016, Laney really freaked out, and spent a lot of the time breathing heavily and with her eyes closed. Barbara commented on it being easier if she looked out instead of town, but otherwise really handled it just fine. She was noticeably relieved when we were done, though. I'll never ask either of them to do something like that again.

The Seattle Great Wheel has to be the only Seattle attraction I've been to ten times without ever repeating the person I went to it with, with the exception of Shobhit, whose has gone on it with me twice. But, the second time was with Laney, who was another new person: so I've gone on it with a new person each of the 10 times I've gone. This is kind of amazing to me.

— पञ्चसहस्राणि पञ्चशतानि त्रयोनवति च —

So. How about Easter, then? Oh my god. I totally forgot to inclue the Easter Roll Call in yesterday's post! Let's do that:

1. Dad
2. Sherri
3. Angel
4. Lorine [Angel's friend]
5. Brandi
6. Nick
7. Jaycee
8. Gianni
9. Enzo
10. Britni
11. Ricky
12. Raiden
13. Ruby
14. Gina
15. Beth
16. Nikki
17. TJ
18. Cheyanna 
19. Elijah
20. Matthew [me]
21. Wendy
22. Brad
23. Jennifer
24. Matthew [Jennifer's boyfriend]
25. Barbara

Compare this to last year, when there were only 16. The previous year was much bigger—30 people—because it doubled as Sherri's 70th birthday party.

Oh what the hell, I do this for Christmas: let's do a history, at least as far back as I posted roll call counts for Easter:

2024: 25
2023: 16
2022: 30
2021: 21
2020 [virtual]: 12
2019: 19
2018: 13
2017: 20
2016: 19
2015: 22 (22.5 if you count Shobhit on FaceTime for a bit)
2014: 14
2013: 9 / 3 (Dad and Sherri spent with Christopher & family in Spokane; I took day trip to Wallace to spend with Mom & Bill; Shobhit was in L.A.)
2012: 21
2011: 12 (with Dad and Sherri, Christopher & family in Spokane, + Shobhit, + Barbara)
2010: 10 (with Dad and Sherri, Christopher & family in Spokane; Shobhit was in New York)
2009: 20
2008: 12 (with Dad and Sherri, Christopher & family in Spokane, + Shobhit, + Barbara)

Easters previous to 2007 were all in Olympia, but I wasn't doing roll calls back then; even the 20 I have listed for 2009 is an estimate based on photos on Flickr. You can see that attendance has really varied through the years, sometimes just affected by the age range of certain generations. This year, there were six children present who were young enough for the kids' Easter Egg hunt in the backyard, with seven out of Dad and Sherri's 12 great grandchildren present—Jaycee, being the oldest at 13, participated in the adult egg hunt in the front yard.

There was, in fact, a period there where we thought attendance at Easter this year would be unusually low. Gina and Beth have been hosting most holiday family gatherings at their house, taking the pressure off Dad and Sherri—but Dad and Sherri stepped up this year when we heard Gina and Beth were planning to be out of town for a basketball tournament in Portland. But, then they discovered last week that the star player they thought they were going there to see would not be there after all, so they sold the tickets and came to Easter after all.

Barbara was particularly happy about this, because Gina and Beth got married in 2016 and had met in 2015—four years after the last time Barbara was in Seattle. She's been Facebook friends with Gina all along, though, and so she's seen lots of photos of Beth (which is the same name as Barbara's daughter, coincidentally). So, Barbara and Beth finally got to meet this past weekend.

I suppose I should note that Jennifer, who spent Easter without any of her kids for the first time (Ian and Chase were with Eric; apparently Hope has moved to Portland), came by with Matthew in the late morning. They were invited to stay for dinner, but they left after a couple of hours, before food was served. Now that family gatherings at Dad and Sherri's house focus mostly on them and their own descendants, many of whom Jennifer doesn't know well, I think maybe she felt a little more out of place than she used to. I was really happy they came by, though, and Barbara got to see her. Barbara was pretty thrilled to see so many people she hasn't seen in 13 years, and the feeling was always mutual.

The other notable attendance this year, adding four to the count, was Nikki and TJ, who basically committed to returning for Easter from Spokane after we brought it up at Dad and Sherri's 40th anniversary party a month ago. This time, they committed yet again to the next family thing: the Biannual Family Vacation in Tokeland in August!

I wouldn't say the family on the east side of the mountains have been excluded, per se, from previous Family Vacation events (in 2020 and in 2022, the previous two in Leavenworth). It's just a little tricky, as most of them have spent so little time on this side of the state that they don't know the Western Washington family all that well. Plus, in 2020 and 2022, the family rented a house in Leavenworth with limited space; there was no way to add more families to the mix.

The setup this year is a lot more workable, though, even for Western Washington family for whom their ability to come is a little more tentative, budgets depending: Gina and Brandi got together and booked several rooms at a hotel on the Washington coast, in a town called Tokeland, that Dad and Sherri had already stayed at and really liked. In this scenario, every family gets their own room, no shared bathrooms, and even their own kitchenette (something that particularly appeals to Shobhit). When the trip came up in conversation over Easter and Nikki and TJ naturally got brought in and up to speed, it was much easier to imagine them just calling the hotel to book their own room. (We've already booked so many, hopefully they have availability when they call; Nikki told me she intends to call this week.)

It's too bad Becca can't be as involved, given she actually does live in Western Washington now too—just outside of Everett, in Lake Stevens—but, she rarely comes down this way and may not as easily be able to afford it. We'd all love it if she were also able to join, of course. The same goes for Christopher and the boys, but they don't make it out this way nearly as often as Nikki and TJ are managing to.

In fact, Nikki and TJ seem to have kind of turned a corner on that front. Between the anniversary party, Easter, and now the Family Vacation—all within the same calendar year—they seem to be rapidly re-integrating themselves into this side of the family. We all couldn't be happier, but especially Sherri, who gets more time with those two great-grandchildren, Cheyanna and Elijah.

In short (after a typically long blog post), Easter was wonderful, and left me feeling really good about both the current state of my extended family, and its future.

— पञ्चसहस्राणि पञ्चशतानि त्रयोनवति च —

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[posted 12:30 pm]

Barbara Visit / Easter Weekend 2024

Wednesday, March 27

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Hmm. I wonder how quickly I can synopsize how we know Barbara without boring anyone who doesn't already know her to death?

She and I met at the summer job I was working in Spokane during my college years, doing telephone surveys, a job I deeply loathed more than any other job I've ever had ("I don't mind it," she told me at the time, revealing early on that she is psychotic). In an earlier life, she had been a copy editor for UPI (United Press International), so when I helped launch an ultimately failed, second gay newspaper in Seattle in 2000, I convinced her to move here to be our copy editor. For the next solid decade, we spent a huge amount of time together, mostly going to movies but also doing plenty of other things; she has long been one of my three closest friends. In 2010 she moved back to Virginia to be closer to her daughter, but by 2021 she did a nationwide search for the cheapest rent she could find on her extremely limited retirement income, and that's how she wound up in Louisville—where I went to visit her two years ago.

Shobhit did not come to Louisville with me because he was traveling to India at the time, so although I last saw Barbara two years ago, Shobhit hadn't seen her in person since 2011—thirteen years ago—the last time we flew her back out here, for Easter Weekend, the same we did this year.

Barbara only got to see Shobhit for one day this year, but hey that's more than zero! He left for this year's trip to India the day after I picked up Barbara at the airport. She then came with me to pick him up at work, the above group selfie taken right outside of Total Wine & More.

Are any of you bored to death yet? Let's move on before the body count gets too high.



Thursday, March 28

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The two major highlights of Thursday would be: 1) Barbara riding along for me to drive Shobhit to the airport—thus I had to drive to the airport and back two days in a row—for his trip this year to visit his mother in India; and 2) Barbara and I went to a movie. This wouldn't seem like much of a highlight, except that back when Barbara lived in Seattle, she was my movie-buddy, and we often went to the movies together multiple times a week. This was our first time going to a movie together since we saw Death at a Funeral in April 2010. At that time, the AMC Seattle 10 in the U District, behind us in the above photo, was still Landmark's Metro Cinemas. That theater closed, reopened as Sundance Cinemas, closed again, and then reopened as an AMC, all after Barbara was last here.



Friday, March 29

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Barbara asked to go to Green Lake, which she remembered being fond of. I invited my other friend Danielle to join us there, for a picnic lunch. After a fairly drizzly week, the sun came out again on Friday which made it a perfect day for it. We walked maybe a third of the path around Green Lake before heading back again.

Do you like Barbara's pigtail braids? She told me she felt like "doing something weird" with her hair that day. I'm not sure pigtail braids are weird enough, honestly. She needs to try harder.



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And now for a brief detour—to Qatar! Specifically, its one major city (home to over 80% of the country's population), Doha. Shobhit's sister lives there with her husband and two children currently, and he had a nine-hour layover there on his way to visit his mother in Delhi, India. His sister's family picked him up at the airport and showed him a great time around the city for several hours, so of course he texted me a bunch of photos. I had no idea there were even any skylines in the world yet, particularly of this magnitude, that I had never seen before—and I loved seeing this one, and delighted in how colorful it is. (That shard-shaped building all lit up in pink is a residential tower called the Burj Al Mana, built in 2023, 812 ft, 57 floors.)

. . . And now: back to Seattle!



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You know how people talk about never having been to any of the tourist attractions in their own cities? I am not one of those people.

The 175-ft tall Seattle Great Wheel opened in 2012, the year after Barbara moved away from Seattle—so of course I had to take her on it!

This was the 10th time I had ridden it in the past 12 years, and Barbara was the 10th person I rode it with. Can you tell I never tire of it? That's more than can be said of some of the people I've ridden it with.



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Barbara took this photo of me taking a photo of Puget Sound from the Seattle Great Wheel.



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. . . And this is the photo I was taking!



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Saturday, March 30

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Is it blueberry ice cream? No, that's just what Barbara's friend back in Louisville thought it was when she sent her a picture of it: Barbara made purple potato salad for Easter. In fact, she went to get the purple potatoes from Central Co-op, which she was still calling Madison Market back when she lived in the Central District, and was delighted to discover her membership there was still active. She started on this on Friday, actually, with the expectation of it gaining better flavor after sitting in the fridge for a couple of days. And it was, indeed, delicious—if a bit off color from what you typically expect a potato salad to look like, (I took this photo on Saturday morning.)

Barbara and I drove down to Olympia early Saturday afternoon and stayed the night at my parents' house, a choice I made to maximize the time my parents could spend with them. Long ago Barbara and Sherri made a particularly special connection, so Sherri was especially delighted to have her around.



Sunday, March 31: Easter Sunday

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Easter Sunday morning, Dad and Barbara and I walked the half mile or so from my parents' house to Mission Creek Nature Park, the 37-acre park at which a few years ago Dad started volunteering to do landscaping work. He long ago cleared out a ton of overgrown blackberry bushes, and the parks department has give him official recognition for his work multiple times.

We walked another half mile or so on a trail through the park, then walked the rest of the way back to the house, totalling a roughly two-mile round trip walk.

Anyway. I really like the above shot of Dad in the park. It looks like a perfect shot to use for his memorial service program.



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1970s-38

Sherri recently came across a couple of really old photos of my dad that I had never seen—this one, in front of a cake, would suggest it was his birthday. But which one, no one had any idea. I would guess this would be sometime in his twenties, and if by chance it was the earliest birthday after he and Sherri got together, then at the youngest it would be his 28th birthday I suppose. Anyway, when I was young people would not shut up about how much I look like my dad . . . it doesn't happen so much anymore, now that even I am decades older than my dad was here.



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The Easter Bunny is keeping his eye on you—peering out from a plate of my deviled eggs.

Deviled eggs are what happen when the Easter Bunny gets diarrhea. It's pretty shocking how tasty they are.



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Protip: if you have pet toys around, there's no need to buy toys for the children.



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One of my nieces planted this in Dad and Sherri’s bathroom.



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You would not believe all the eggs my sister laid. Even that shoe! I heard a loud thunk and there it was. It was a weird holiday.



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Wendy, Sherri's sister, took this fabulous photo of Barbara and me at Dad and Sherri's dining room table.



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Back in the days when Barbara lived in Seattle (2000-2010), I used to bring her to all my family holiday gatherings—she quickly became a de facto part of the family, and formed an especially strong connection with Sherri, who was born the same year as her. After Barbara moved away from Seattle, she first spent a few months in Spokane, and when Dad and Sherri (and I) took a trip to Spokane in June 2010 to see my brother's family, they spent some time with Barbara too. A year later, Shobhit and I flew Barbara back out here from her then-new home in Virginia to spend Easter, when we all went to Spokane yet again for the holiday. That was the last time she and Sherri had seen each other in person, this year being the first time in 13 years. There is great hope that they will see each other another time again, but who knows? Time is a tricky thing to contend with, but it was fantastic to get us all together once more this year.



Monday, April 1

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One last stop making the rounds on the Barbara Tour of Old Friends: Laney and I have been doing either monthly or biweekly Happy Hours since 2014—ten years! And that still started three years after Barbara left Seattle, after which she's been seeing our Happy Hour posts and feeling a bit of FOMO. Finally she got to join us! (Barbara doesn't drink alcohol, so while Laney nursed a beer and I had two cocktails, Barbara had coffee.)

Saint John's Bar & Eatery on Capitol Hill in Seattle—literally one block from Laney's apartment—has a really fun ambiance with a mostly dinosaur motif, hence the dinosaurs at the bar in the above shot. (They also have some of the cheapest Happy Hour prices in town. Five stars, would recommend!)



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Still at Saint John's Bar & Eatery: I didn't even realize until I looked at this photo on my computer at home that it was made out of old Rainier Beer cans. Ha! So, well, cheers to a great extended Easter Weekend, with family and the return of an old, dear friend!



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[posted 7:56 pm]